Monday, August 10, 2020

 The Art of Communication

Communication issues appears to be a re-occuring theme in just about every one I work with. Whether it is an individual, couple, or family. Good communication can make all the difference in sucessful relationships at home, with friends, or in the office. Communicating assertively means clearly and calmly expressing what you want without either being too passive or too aggressive. Learning to communicate assertively doesn’t guarantee you will have your needs met but it makes it more likely, and it can improve your relationships with other people.

Are you a Passive Communicator?

Do you think your needs don’t matter at all. Give in to others all the time. Do you often feel nervous or anxious when talking to others? You often hope no one asks for your opinion. You don't speak up even when you want to.  You let others shut you down when you do speak. You always trying to keep the peace. Do you feel bullied?  Do you find yourself not saying what you think, or not saying anything. Do you feel like you are getting ran over all the time or you are a door mat? .......Then you are likely a passive communicator.

Why can being Passive all the time create problems?

It can damages relationships. Often other people respect you less. It damages your self-esteem. 

Are you an Agressive Communicator?

Do you feel the need to always looking out for yourself? Do you tend to re-direct conversation back to yourself most of the time? Do you find yourself talking over people much the time? Do you tend to not listen to others or put yourself in their shoes? Do you think that your opinion is the only right one? Do you find yourself escalating (voice/emotions) while communicating?

 Why can being an Agressive Communicate create problems?

It is a form of taking from others. Thinking that only your needs matter. It potentially damages others self-esteem. It can damage relationships at home and work. People don’t like to be intimidated. It can lead to shouting, aggression or violence.It often is a form of bullying others.

Are you an Assertive Communicator?

Do you recognising that your needs matter as much as anyone elses?  Do you compromise by both talking and listening. Do you making sure things are fair - for you and others? Do you stand up for yourself when needed. Can you express your point clearly and confidently. 

Why is being an Assertive Communicator a positive and healthy way to communicate?

It enhances relationships. People know where they stand.  Builds your self-esteem. It build confidence. It provides direction, understanding, clarity. You feel heard and the person you are talking to feels heard. It prevents problems and can solve problems. It provides a means in which you can have a choice in a matter by having a voice. See diagram below. Next week, I will address how to assertively communicate in a manner anyone can feel comfortable with!! Don't miss it!! Dr. Becky Wolery

Sunday, April 26, 2020

During times of stress, often the best approach to relieve stress is to LAUGH! Laughing has been shown to increase the endorphins in are brain (those amazing feel good hormones!) reducing symptoms of stress, anxiety, depression and even chronic pain.  Here are just a few recent humorous posts to help us all look at life from a different perspective and smile while doing so :)

 Top Twelve Humorous Coronavirus Posts!!

1) All of a sudden having a mask, duct tape, plastic sheeting and rope in the trunk of your car is OK!

2) This virus has done what no woman has been able to do cancel all sports, shut down all bars and keep their men at home!

3) I am kind of starting to understand why pets run out of their house when the door opens!

4) Day 7, stuck at home, my dog is looking at me thinking "see this is why I chew the furniture!

5) You thought dogs were hard to train, look at all the humans that can't sit and stay!

6) Home schooling Day 3: They all graduated. #Done!

7) Thought and prayers going out to all the married men who spent months telling the wife......I will    do that when I get time!

8) I used to spin that toilet paper roll like I was on the wheel of fortune, now I turn it like I am cracking a safe!

9) They said a mask and gloves were enough to go to the grocery store......they lied....everyone was wearing clothes!

10) It's tiring baby sitting my mom's grandkids, could someone come tell her to get them :)

11) Mother  after homeschooling for a week, "If you see me talking to myself don't worry, I am just having a parent teacher conference!

12) Due to the coronavirus, the Dickinson police department is asking that all criminal activity stop until further notice. Thank you for your cooperation!

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Dear Dr. Becky

Dr. Becky Letter Submissions 

1. Submit your letter to:

2. Limit the words to 300.

3. Ask one or two clearly defined questions at the end of your letter.

4. Keep the letter anonymous.(we wont show or use your email address in any way without explicit permission)

5. Letters will be answered via video at Youtube (Insert URL link to youtube channel)

6. Letter topics can consist of a broad spectrum of issues

7. You will be notified when a video is produced answering your letter.

8. Letter submitted becomes the ownership of Dr. Becky and will be edited if needed.

Example Letters

I have something in the back of my mind that keeps bothering me and I wish I could just erase it from my mind. I have been separated for the past four years. I was married to my wife for ten years. She was my high school sweetheart but now everything has ended. Together we have two wonderful boys. She was always a great mother until we separated. From day one we separated, it was like she detached from my boys as well. It really bothers me that she is not a mother to them anymore. To be honest with you I feel like we do not need her in our lives! My boy’s are now twelve and eight  and they live with me. They don’t mention him her at all. We lived close to her for years but never heard from her, so we moved to another state about 900 miles away. I do not mind ever hearing from her again. My question is how do you forget about the most precious and valuable things in life?-------TRYING TO FORGET

Dear Dr. Becky:
I just turned 17 year old. My boyfriend, "Drew" and I have been together for two years. He is the first boyfriend I have ever had. He asked me to marry him after we had been going out for 3 months and I said yes. He had hinted about asking previously but I had not responded because I didn’t want to hurt him. I care about him very much. I have family and friends telling me that I am young and need to take my time.  I did tell him that I wanted to take it slowly since I am so young and he is only 18.  Drew tells me if I break up with him to date other guys, he will never date me again. Becca, I want to make sure he is the person I want to be with for the rest of my life. I really do feel too young to be engaged or married but I love Drew greatly. I scared of losing him or breaking his heart. I don’t want to destroy this relationship. What can I do to help myself know that I have found my true love? -- STUCK IN LOVE

Due to the volume of letters received, Dr. Becky is not able to answer all letters. If you are currently experiencing a crisis and need immediate assistance please call 911. If you are experiencing emotional distress and need a counselor, call the free hotline to locate a counselor near you: 1-800-THERAPIST (1-800-843-7284)