by Sara Cobb, QMHP
Losing a pet is a deeply personal and emotional experience; for many, it may feel comparable to losing a human loved one. Unfortunately, the grief accompanying pet loss is frequently underestimated or disregarded by others, leaving pet owners feeling isolated in their sorrow.
Pets offer more than mere friendship or protection; they provide unconditional love, support, and comfort unique to the human-animal relationship. Our animal companions often become integral family members, sharing in daily routines, adding joy and humor into our lives, consistently by our sides during memorable moments, and offering emotional support during challenging times.
Grieving the loss of a pet involves a wide range of emotions, often including bewilderment, devastation, loneliness, yearning, and anger, and physical symptoms, like trouble sleeping, brain fog, fatigue, and headaches. Unlike the loss of a human, society often minimizes pet loss, leading to disenfranchised grief where the mourner feels their sorrow is invalid or misunderstood. This lack of recognition can intensify feelings of isolation and pain.
It's also extremely common to experience conflicting emotions, such as relief and guilt or gratitude and regret, after the death of a pet. Relief may come from knowing that your pet is no longer suffering, especially if they had been suffering from illness or pain. You may feel grateful for the time and closeness you had together. However, relief may be accompanied by guilt, as you might doubt if you made the right decisions for their care or wonder if there was more you could have done to help them live longer. Gratitude for your relationship with them might be paired with regret for not appreciating them as much as you could have or for not having more time together. Acknowledging these uncomfortable emotions as a natural part of the grieving process is essential for healing.
Allow yourself to feel all the emotions that come up. Fully grieve and mourn without rushing the process. While there are some common experiences that pet loss grievers may have, grief has a cyclical, fluid nature, has no set timeline or prescribed stages that one must go through, and cannot be rushed or checked off your to-list. Each person’s journey is as unique as their fingerprint.
Memorializing a pet can be a therapeutic way to commemorate the impact of their life. Consider planting a tree, creating a physical or digital scrapbook, or filling a special box with their belongings or mementos. Holding a small ceremony or celebration in their honor can also be meaningful.
Personal tributes can provide solace, such as creating art in their memory, donating to a pet charity in their name, or writing a letter to them to express your feelings. Seek out pet loss grief groups, online communities, support organizations, and pet loss hotlines for immediate support and guidance. Connecting with others who understand your grief can be a valuable part of the healing process.
The CARE Pet Loss Helpline, 1-217-244-CARE (2273), is a confidential telephone service offered through the University of Illinois College of Veterinary Medicine, accepting calls from 1:00 to 6:00 PM CST on Tuesdays and Thursdays and is open to anyone and everyone.
The Cornell Pet Loss Support Hotline, 1-607-218-7457, is staffed by volunteer veterinary students with extensive training with professional grief counselors. The hotline is available via Google Voice on Sundays and Tuesdays from 6:00 - 9:00 PM EST. Google Voice will prompt you to enter your name before connecting. You can say “anonymous” or enter your first name to remain anonymous.
The Tufts Pet Loss Support Hotline, 1-508-839-7966, helps pet owners who have lost an animal companion. The helpline is staffed from 6:00 PM to 9:00 PM EST, Monday to Thursday, and has 24-hour voicemail. Calls left on the voicemail will be returned at the next scheduled shift.
Take your time deciding whether to foster or adopt another pet. It is a personal decision and should only be made with careful consideration when you feel emotionally ready to add to your family and not merely to replace the pet you lost.
Grieving the loss of a pet is a painful, natural, and valid experience. Processing the grief that you feel honors the special connection you shared with your pet when they lived and strengthens the bond that will always remain. Remember, grieving and healing are processes that take time and intention, and it’s okay to seek help and support along the way. We are here for you at Insight Counseling & Therapy if you want support and practical advice for mourning the loss of a beloved pet.
References:
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Cobb, S. (2024). Pet loss resources. MY GRIEF CONNECTION. Retrieved September 5, 2024, from https://www.mygriefconnection.org/pet-loss-resources.html
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Sonja, J. A. (2023, July 3). Crafts to make for pet loss. Sustain My Craft Habit. https://sustainmycrafthabit.com/crafts-to-make-for-pet-loss/
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